what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
