he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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