you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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