fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
