Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
