She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
