I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
