how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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