The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize