she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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