he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
