soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
