Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
