just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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