he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
