I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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