How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
