NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
