Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
