At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
