just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
