I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
