you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
