my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize