im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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