Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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