I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
