is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
