community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
