my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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