thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
