I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
