Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
