so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
