Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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