i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
