I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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