I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
