Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We just shotgunned beers for America
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
