I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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