I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
