his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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