I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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