So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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