I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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