I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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