Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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