My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
