but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
