brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
