My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
