Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i think my cat just said my name.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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