you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
