don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
