So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
