i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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