Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Drunk is not a location!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
