I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
