I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
