Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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