Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
