i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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