I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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