I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
