my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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