Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
