the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
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