Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
