My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
