My friends, they love my intelligence
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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