and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
