508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
