i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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