It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
