I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
