I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
