I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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