I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
