How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
