Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
