Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I am one with the molecules
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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