I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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