i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
