He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
