areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The best revenge is premature balding
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
