Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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