My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
