i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
