in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
