How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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