You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My liver just had a heart attack.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
