So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
